A Timeless Crown

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved reading biographies.  Blogs, to me, are similar to biographies.  I love reading the thoughts and insights of people I admire and want to become like.  Also since I was little, I have been a faithful journal keeper, so starting my own blog has been in the back of my mind for a while.  I am excited, but also nervous.  Blogging feels like you are leaving your journal, with all of your thoughts and feelings, right open on the table for anyone to read (probably because that is what blogging is).  I apologize in advance if I ever write something offensive to others, I am known for being too honest at times.  However, I have been working on that and hope that I can be sensitive in my writing.  If you ever have feedback, let me know, I would love to hear from you.  I’m excited to get started and grateful to Megan Rowley and Matt Bryson for editing my posts.  How spoiled I am to have such incredible and intelligent friends. 

Lately I have been surrounded by a lot of single women who are discouraged about dating.  I understand, dating is hard, it’s awkward and we live in a culture (Utah Mormons) where there is a lot of “encouragement” to get married.  Dating is the key part of that, of course, so we feel a lot of pressure when things aren’t going so well.  Many of these girls have asked for my thoughts and advice on their situations.  This blog post is for them and anyone else who may be in need of it.

On the last night of my very first girl’s camp, one of my young women leaders shared a message that I will never forget. (A similar story was also shared by President Uchtdorf in General Conference April 2011) 

There once was a woman who dreamed of going on a cruise ship.  She yearned to see many exciting, new places, and learn of different cultures.  She saved every penny until she had just enough for the passage.  Since her funds were tight, she brought an extra suitcase filled with food to live on every day.  She would have loved to participate in the many activities that were offered on the ship, and to have tasted the amazing food at the many fancy restaurants.  But she didn’t have the money.  Yes, she was able to see the amazing cities that she had longed to visit, but for the most part of the journey, she stayed in her cabin and ate only humble food.

On the last day of the cruise, a crew member asked her which of the farewell parties she would be attending.  It was then that she learned that on the fine print of her ticket it said, “All food and activities on board are included in the price of this ticket.”  Too late did she realize that she had settled for crackers when she could have been eating cheesecake.”

My young women’s leader applied this lesson to marriage.  The story is so sad to me but is an excellent reminder that we must NEVER settle.  We deserve cheesecake, the very best, so we must read the fine print.  Look for men that are not in the spot light but are silently serving our Lord.  It is the small and simple things that matter.  His looks will fade with time, but his intelligence and actions will not.  Cheesecake is our goal, and we will not settle, but we must also remember, “You are a daughter, princess of God; a timeless crown that will never be taken off.” – Matt Bryson.  Are we acting accordingly?

We are daughters of a King!  Really, think about that.  This concept can be so difficult for me to grasp, so I try to imagine myself as a literal Princess, the leader and representative of a Kingdom.  A kingdom that depends on their Princess to follow through on her duty, and behave according to the guidelines set.  The kingdom adores her because she works hard to serve and love her people.

As daughters of our Heavenly King, are we acting as the literal princesses that we are? Representing Him, and standing as His witness, at ALL times, in ALL things, and in ALL places?  Are we following ALL guidelines that have been set in the Strength for the Youth, following through on our commitment to serve and love His other children? 

I am going to hit one of these points that I feel very strongly about – guidelines.  I recently had a conversation with a dear friend of mine who was frustrated because it seems that even the good boys are choosing to date immodest women, she wondered that if we would bend our standards and dress immodestly if we would receive more attention from men.  Of course, I told her that we wouldn’t want a boy that loved an immodest girl- we want to be loved for our actions, intelligence and the standards that we live.  However as I went on with my week I started to feel discouraged and I was able to see the point that she was making.  It does seem that immodesty wins the game. 

I have tried to understand that not all LDS girls have been taught the same rules that I have regarding modesty while growing up, so I am trying very hard not to judge.  I also acknowledge that perhaps someone else’s family could have regarded my traditions as immodest.  In my home, it was taught that dance clothing was appropriate as long as it was as modest as a modest bathing suit.  However, I’m sick and tired of girls that are LDS- my very same religion, and have been instructed by our prophet in the Strength for the Youth set guidelines regarding dress and appearance. (This means – no bikinis, short shorts, or sleeveless dresses, under any circumstance.) I KNOW it is so hard to make the choice when immodest clothing seem so cute to us- It will be a never ending battle, but it is worth the fight.   

Ladies- we have no idea how much effect dressing immodestly has on our young men.  I have a close friend, who once shared with me, that prior in his youth he had a pornography problem.  He had since repented and had an amazing testimony of the atonement and forgiveness.  I watched him used his past experiences to help others to overcome their problems with this horrible addiction.  Although he had overcome this, he said that it would always be difficult for him.  At the time I did not have the strongest testimony of modesty – I was simply following the rule because my mother had set it.  There were many times that he expressed sincere thanks for my dressing modestly – because it was so much easier for him to be around me when I did – I vowed that I would always do my best to follow the dressing guidelines set in the strength for the youth.  What a powerful testimony to me that it does make a difference!  Even when it seems difficult to follow, to find the clothing and wear it even when no one else is, to resist that sexy strapless prom gown, or to sit at home and watch yet again another chick flick while another girl is wearing a bikini at the pool with 5 guys around her.  Being modest is worth it and the blessings will come! Of that I have no doubt.  Princesses of God dress modestly – and when you do, the light of Christ will show. 

When we act the part of a princess, we can expect to be treated accordingly.  A princess expects chivalry! Doors are opened for her, an arm is offered, and phone calls are made (princesses do not accept dates over text or Facebook).  It is NOT old fashioned, it is common respect.  However, if we stop expecting it, accepting it, and teaching it to our future sons it will die. 

Now, I’m not suggesting that you have to stand at every door and wait forever until a man comes to open it.  Instead just take note of the men that do.  This past February I received a simple letter inviting on a date to dinner.  I was not obsessing over this date, and really thought nothing of it beforehand.  We left that night as acquaintances but as the night went on I found myself completely impressed with this boy.  Throughout the night I noticed that he walked just a bit faster than me to open the door, as we traveled back to his car he silently walked to the outside of the busy of the road, when we made cookies at my apartment - he helped me with my dishes (even after I said I would wash them later- personally I have a difficult time accepting help however I am secretly impressed when help is given despite the fact that I said didn’t need it.)  I was not planning to have a good time on this date, I was proved wrong.  This date was a complete success – and silently noted as so.  I am grateful to my now, good friend for the reminder he gave me – that gentleman, good men, do exist.  I needed to learn a lesson, that is: don’t prejudge, give every boy a chance, you never know what might happen. 

In fairy tales, the prince will do anything in his power to rescue, protect, and take care of his princess.  He serves and loves her in everything that he is.  She, in return, helps and cares for him; she loves him with all of her heart, and would sacrifice anything for his happiness.  We have to serve each other.  President Hinckley said, “I am satisfied that happiness in marriage is not so much a matter of romance as it is an anxious concern for the comfort and well-being of one’s companion. Any man who will make his wife’s comfort his first concern will stay in love with her throughout their lives and through the eternity yet to come”

 I love the scripture D&C 88:40 “For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light…”  If we want our cheesecake – or prince –  we must act as the princesses that we are.  You will attract and marry the person that you are.  If there is a quality you want in your future spouse, you must first have it yourself. 

Over the past year, I have become acquainted with so many older single women that have never been married.  Even girls that are not old yet feel discouraged that they might never find their prince.  Don’t give up!!!  You will find each other!  Pray for him, in this world of horrible sin, pray to help him stay far from pornography, pray for yourself that you will be virtuous when he arrives on his horse. J

I love the quote, “The longer you wait for something, the more you’ll appreciate it when you get it.  Anything worth having is definitely worth waiting for.”  Your prince is worth the wait.  Do not settle for anything less than cheesecake.  Your fairytale is just around the corner!  Keep up your hope, he is coming.  Hans Christian Anderson said, “Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all.”  I have faith that it will be wonderful.

I look forward to the moment that I will kneel at an altar, dressed in white across from my sweetheart; my eternal companion.  What a wonderful day it will be.  Until then, I will strive to become the fitting princess that he searches to find.  I will never forget the timeless crown that is placed upon my head and what it stands for – truth, righteous, and the values of my Heavenly King.